In a shocking move that some have criticized as a publicity stunt, long time race hustler Rev. Jesse Jackson has embraced white nationalism and made peace with white advocate Jared Taylor.
Mr. Taylor, at first skeptical, graciously accepted the Rev. Jackson’s heartfelt apologies for decades of political lynchings and monetary pogroms directed against white businesses and influential individuals. “His sincerity seems genuine and he even purchased a copy of ‘paved with good intentions’ from us.”
Asked about his plans for the future, Rev. Jackson mused that he’ll probably put his talents to good use by extorting black businesses and then donating the proceeds to the white cause. “It’s the right thing to do” he said. “It will give me the chance to make amends and give back to the white community.”
Privately, Mr. Taylor seemed hesitant to accept donations of that nature. However, he admitted that this would be better than having the reverend actually become white – which, it turned out, almost happened in the past.
In a separate interview, Rev. Jackson revealed a bizarre event from his past. It seems that in 1986, both he and entertainer Michael Jackson (no relation) had checked into the same hospital. Michael Jackson was simply trying to acquire pain pills and the Rev. Jackson was there for an experimental skin-lightening treatment. A nurse accidentally switched their charts and the entertainer ended up with lighter skin while the reverend got the pain killers. After taking the pain pills, the reverend became disoriented and forgot about his skin plans. The entertainer never even noticed anything was amiss. “You see”, explained Rev. Jackson, “back in 1986 I wanted to be a white man. I’ve always wanted to be a white man. By the time I realized my skin wasn’t getting any lighter, I’d also noticed there’s a lot of money to be made as a black race hustler. Plus… those pain killers were pretty good.” He went on to explain that “after several decades of brisk business, all my friends and family are living comfortably; they’ve all got nice houses, fancy cars and mistresses. My work in the black community is therefore done – oh, and I’ve also decided to change my ways.”