Everybody knows that war is good for the economy. Unfortunately, it has a tendency to affect people of color disproportionately and even lead to their deaths. This unfortunate fact has lead to a search for alternative forms of war – war that affects mainly white people and animals, the former having no group interest lobbyists in government and the latter represented only by people who throw fake blood on fur coats.
When the idea of a massive oil spill was first presented to President Obama, his first question was, “how would this affect the bruthas and sistas?” As soon as Obama was assured that the vast majority of victims would be white, he signed the order and, well, the rest is history.
Yes, war on the environment is the wave of the future for stimulating the economy. Only a handful of people died – almost all of them merely white men – but many jobs are being created as a result. Not only that, but special care is being taken that these jobs are not taken by heretics.
Some have questioned the long-term efficacy of oils spills for employment. To them I say, let us not lose sight of the fact that, when employment runs out for this oil spill, we can always create another and another and another… There is enough offshore oil to keep Americans employed for generations to come. If necessary, all three hundred million of us could make our livings skimming oil off the waters. Between B.P., the Fed printing presses and some generous donations from Bill Gates, there should be enough money to keep us all living well for hundreds of years. So cheer up folks! It’s not all that bad.